Adoption Ramblings...

Its been so long between posts on this blog, I doubt if anyone even reads it anymore. Well, that may be a good thing. I can use it to sort through some of my thoughts about adoption and things I think and feel and want to do.

Mike and I have been attending monthly meetings relating to adoption since we've been home. Initially when we were still on leave from work we were able to get out to the Adoption Option group meetings, which were awesome, and packed with good people to get and exchange advice. Now that we are back at work, we've found a closer group called Hand in Hand. I also really like the Hand in Hand meetings especially because they are run by an adult adoptee, who is also an adoptive parent. Its nice to get a well rounded view of adoption from many points of view.

Last months meeting focused on domestic adult adoptees, and we watched a film about a middle-aged man who lived in a State where they are finally allowing adoptees to look at their previously sealed files and find out for the first time who their birth mother/family is. It turned out his mother had passed away a few years prior, but he managed to locate a friend of hers who acquired the dog that his mother had when she passed. Apparently she was not married, and had no other kids. He was able to meet her dog and referred to him as "last living relative". I'm sure he loves his adoptive family, but can understand how powerful it can be to look like someone, to share traits to finally understand why you do certain things a certain way relating to biology. In looking at how my Dad and younger sister are with their genealogy research, it really strikes a cord to know Leila doesn't have that part of her. The part that makes her feel connected to history, to this world.

I wish for all the adoptees out there who are interested and wanting to know their biological connection to the world that all the remaining states in the US will finally allow those sealed records to be OPENED. Open adoption today is becoming more and more popular, and this is a wonderful thing for the kids who will be able to grow up always knowing their biological origins.

So now what happens to the international adoptees? Well in China, the Chinese government does not allow adoption of any child with known parents. All internationally adopted children from China were abandoned by their parents due to a number of reasons, and since it is a crime to abandon your child they face a severe punishment if they ever come forward as having done that. Still, there is some small hope. There are DNA registries for these kids, where you can put your child's DNA code on file, and if the biological parents ever do come forward, there may be a match. Also, if there are two different children from the same biological parents, it may be possible to match up biological siblings through the DNA system.

In considering Leila's future need to feel some connection to China, which I think most if not all kids adopted from China will feel, we have been trying to find out who her foster mother was. When we were in China the orphanage officials told us that they were worried that the foster families asking us for money, so they would not give us any information on the foster families. Love Without Boundaries, an awesome organization, unfortunately seems to be obligated to uphold the orphanage's wishes to not share this information. Can't blame them really though. They do help a ton of kids out of that orphanage which may otherwise go without. Now, however, I am stuck with the question of how to get this information for Leila. I can't help but think that now is the time to get all I can for her. The trail of Leila's past in China grows colder by the day, and the day will come when she will have no one to ask about herself, and no one that remembers her there. I hope that I can somehow get the foster mom info before that day comes.

Kelly

Adoption Myths

Love Without Boundaries sent me some photos that were taken of Leila during her first two years of life. This one is her favorite because of this dress. She keeps asking to wear this dress, and doesn't quite understand that we don't have it. I try to suggest one of her three other yellow dresses, but those will not do.

Since we've been home we've unfortunately been exposed to all kinds of comments about our family. Being an inter-racial family I expected to get questions and comments, and even some mean stares, but some of the comments we've gotten we just cannot believe people actually say to us. Personal things! If you see an inter-racial family please do not ask "how much did she cost you?", "why aren't US kids good enough for you?". These are just personal and inappropriate.

Speaking of these in appropriate things, I thought it would be good to write this post about myths of adoption that people who are not closely connected to adoption don't know:

Myth 1: When you adopt a child internationally you go to the orphanage and pick out the child you like. - Uh, adopting is NOT shopping for a child. And in China most of the kids are adopted to parents who don't even see their photo until they are matched with the child.

Myth 2: Each child cost a certain amount. - Again, adopting is NOT shopping for a child. There is no one "price" you pay. The cost is in fees that go to your agency, lawyer, the US government, and the government for the country you are adopting from.

Myth 3: People adopt internationally to have an "exotic" child that the parent flaunts like a fashion accessory. - Yup, I actually had a co-worker say that in front of me when we were waiting for out adoption. Like I would have my home invaded with inspections from people who would judge every aspect of my life, have to get fingerprinted to see if I was a wanted criminal, to take a classes explaining all the issues that come with international and inter-racial adoption, and to wait 2+ years just so I could look fashionable. I tend to think adoptive parents would rather have opted for an expensive purse if we wanted fashion. Believe it or not, oh co-worker, we adopt for only one reason - to form a family!

Myth 4: Adopting from the US is easier and less expensive. - Not necessarily. There are many ways to adopt here in the US. Some are easier, but more time consuming, some are more expensive, and some are less expensive. None of them are guaranteed, and a few who try any of the options available never manage to complete an adoption. There are many international adoption processes that are more of a sure thing. Above all, its important to note that where and when parents adopt is PERSONAL. Its up to each family to decide what they feel comfortable with (race, special needs, process, age of child, possibility of siblings, etc.), and how much of an emotional roller coaster they can handle. All adoptions are emotional, and all kids without parents deserve to have a parent no matter where they are from.

I'm sure I'll think of a few more in the coming weeks, so maybe I will do another post like this soon.

Kelly

Cave Trips and More!

Boy its been a while since we've had a post. We have been pretty busy as you can imagine. Leila went on her first cave trip in April. We went to Howard's Waterfall Cave in Trenton. Seems like yesterday my friends ET and Kathy were taking me on my first cave trip there. This photo was taken by Jennifer, who used her spiffy new camera to take photos on the trip. It was a pretty small crowd: Mike, Jennifer, Kevin, Tracy and Addicus (Tracy's granddaughter). Leila had a bit of a fit when we first went in. Her helmet kept hitting the ceiling, and she didn't understand the concept of stoop walking. After we got in where she could stand up all the way she relaxed a good bit. We didn't get too far in, but Leila had a great time running from one mud puddle to the next to play.
So, lets see. What else have we been up to? Well, Kelly went back to work in late May - ugh! We got Leila into a daycare that she really likes, though. Leila has had lots of firsts: First time at an amusement park, First at a birthday party, First happy meal at McDonalds, and first time on rope! Yup, rope! My climbing friend Jane took us to a local rock climbing gym and they actually had a teeny tiny seat harness for small kids. She didn't really care for trying to climb the wall, but she loved it when we hauled her up high in her seat harness and let her swing. Big giggling!

That's all for now.

Kelly

A Date With Julia

We have been really busy since our last post.  My camera batteries were dead, and I hadn't gotten new batteries to replace them.  One of the things I like about these blogs is to see photos, so I figured without photos why post?  

We have gone on several outings with my sister Kimberly and 5-year-old niece, Nora Beth.  Leila loves playing with Nora, and looks up to her a lot.  She has really enjoyed spending time with Nora at the park.

Friday of this week was Mike's and my 5th wedding anniversary!  We celebrated by going to our favorite breakfast place in the morning.  As a typical southerner, Leila loves scrambled eggs and bacon.  She also ate both her and my bowls of grits.  In the evening we went to the restaurant where Mike and I had our first date.  It happens to be a Chinese restaurant, so Leila had fun sharing some Mandarin with the Chinese waitress.

A couple of weeks ago we met up with Gwen and Jason who were in our adoption group in China.  They brought their daughter's Anna, age 5, and new daughter Julia, who is 14 months and adopted from the same orphanage as Leila.  Leila was so excited to see Julia again.  They really made a connection on our adoption trip, and are glad to have each other now back in the States.  We made plans to go to the aquarium with them, and yesterday was the day.  Here are some photos from our trip to the aquarium.

A family photo that Gwen and Jason took.  Thanks guys!  You can't see her in this photo, but Julia is actually standing to the right of Mike below the photo.  She is such a cutie pie!

Here is Gwen and Jason with a sleeping Anna.  Jason's parents also joined us on the trip.  Julia and Leila were thick as thieves and insisted on hanging out together.  When Julia would get too far away, Leila would immediately call out her name wanting to get back with her friend.  Aren't they cute looking in the glass of the huge aquarium tanks!

The photo below was actually taken before Gwen and Jason arrived, and Leila was hanging out in the Ergo carrier on my back.  She immediately took to the fish.  Finding Nemo is her favorite movie, so this was no surprise.  This was much better for me than watching Nemo for the umpteen-millionth time.  

Leila also enjoyed meeting Deepo, the aquarium mascot fish.  You can't see it here, but Leila is actually giving Deepo a kiss in this photo.  Too cute! 

Hanging with momma, waiting for Julia to arrive we went to the coral fish display.

Leila was far more taken with the diver than the fish in the coral tank.  I wonder if she was worried that the diver was going to take one of the fish, as happens with Nemo in the movie.

I was pretty proud of this shot of all three of us.  Its a self-taken family portrait.  Not a great photo of us, but we are all squeezed in there.


I just loved taking photos of these two with their cute little sun dresses on in front of the colorful tanks.

Here they are together again watching the petting rays and sharks in the open tank.  Gwen and I went to the opposite side of the pool to take some father-daughter photos.  Leila loved playing with the water and was not interested in looking up for a photo.  Julia, on the other hand, was a perfect model.

Love this photo of the tiger ray with Leila's reflection in the glass.  See her little finger pointing at it in the bottom left?

After saying goodbye to Gwen, Jay, Anna, Julia, and Jay's parents we took a short stroll over to the Olympic Park and a quick run through the fountain.  Leila didn't quite know what to think of that.  We will have to take her back when it is less crowded and spend more time there.

We went home for a quick bite to eat, then it was off again to here a lecture about the earliest form of art, archaeological petroglyphs.  There were three speakers, and Mike and I took turns playing in the hallway with Leila and listening to the lectures.  Since the lectures were held in an art school, during my shifts I felt inspired to take some artsy photos of Leila.  I found this great pink room inside the women's restroom.  Matched her little pink shoes.

My favorite....

Just outside the lecture hall was this large space where we had to remove Leila's squeeky shoes so we wouldn't disturb the lecture.  After removing Leila's squeeky shoes, we ran and played here for quite a while.  There was a neat grouping of 30 works of art all clustered together on one wall which made a fabulous background for a photo.

There was actually one other kid there, ironically she was another 2-year-old, named Leena.  Too cute!  The slow speed of this shot catches Leila as typical, always on the move.

Love the reflection of the art in the floor.

We met our friend Jerry at the lecture, an artist and caver who is very interested in archaeology.  He has even done some paintings of petroglyphs.  Leila finally warmed up to him toward the end of the evening and thought his beard resembled Guppa's.  Leila was such a happy girl all day and was very well behaved being confined to hallways and bathrooms for a couple of hours.  She is amazing!

Today was a nice relaxing day at home.  We were out late, so woke up a little later.  We all took naps during the day.  This evening Mike made us some spaghetti with macaroni pasta for dinner.  I think Leila liked it what do you think...
Like the photographer professor I met last night said, taking great photos of Leila is just too easy!

Kelly

Home at Last

Starting out with a cute photo I took of Lelia shortly before we left China.

That morning our guide, Grace, met us at the airport to see us off and make sure we didn't have any trouble getting through the airport to our plane.  Grace was so helpful to us both with Leila and with me when I was so sick.  We were very pleased with our agency, CCAI, and the service they provided us in China.

Our plan was to fly from Guangzhou to Shanghai then catch the Delta flight from Shanghai to Atlanta, a direct flight.  We were off on time from Guangzhou and arrived as scheduled to Shanghai.  We had 3 hours there to get our bags and re-check them for our next flight and get our tickets to Atlanta.  What should have taken 30 minutes took most of that three hours of time.  When we got to the Delta counter they told us that we had printed up the tickets already and they weren't going to let us get on the plane unless we produced the tickets.  It took 2 hours for them to figure out that Delta had made a mistake and we never received the tickets.  They finally agreed to call Atlanta and ask and of course things were straightened out after that - whew!!

Being new parents I thought 3 diapers for the trip would be plenty.  I should have shared those thoughts with Mike.  She had a dirty diaper when we got to the gate in Guangzhou, and then 2 hours later in Shanghai Mike changed her again even though her diaper wasn't completely full.  When you start spending money on diapers you learn just how far you can make one diaper last, and they will actually last a long time.  I had saved two extra adsorbent nighttime diapers just for the flight.  Unfortunately when Mike took her to the bathroom in Shanghai, before our 14-hour flight, he went ahead and changed her again.  One diaper and 14 hours on a plane was quite terrifying for me, especially since she insisted on being in my lap the entire trip.  All I can say is I hope Delta threw that pillow away after Leila sat on it, in my lap, for the last 4 hours of the trip.  If not the next person to use it will not be pleased.  

After we arrived in Atlanta we had to spend more time going through customs.  We put Leila in the Ergo carrier for all of this, still without a diaper.  I was really happy to see my Dad, sister Kimberly, niece Nora Beth, brother-in-law Scott, and our friends the Alfonso's at the exit area of the airport.   We gave them all a great big pee smelling hug then raced to the nearest airport store that sold diapers.

Thanks to Andrew, Kimberly, and Mike A. for watching the doggies and kitties for us, and for the Alfonso's for helping get our car to the airport so we could put Leila in her car seat for the ride home.  Thanks also to Dad and Kimberly for ordering a pizza for us when we got home and for having our kitchen stocked with the essentials.  I still need to pay you back for all the milk and bread and stuff.

We were initially worried that Leila wouldn't get along with our pets, but not to worry.  
This photo was taken Leila's first night at home.  She and our little bully Lilian got along famously.  Lilian is our most tame and well behaved dog.  We next introduced her to Vivian, the hound dog, who is a little bigger and more "nosey" and barks a lot.  Again, no problem.  Finally we brought her to meet Buster, the jumpy crazy loud obnoxious (who we really do love BTW), and again success.  Its amazing to watch buster jumping around her and licking her in the face.  Leila just giggles.  They say how amazing China adoption is and that you don't just adopt any child, but rather YOUR child (the one meant for your family).  I could not imagine a more perfect child for us!

 
Here is Leila surrounded by begging dogs as I give her bites of my pudding.  The dogs really love having her around because babies are really messy eaters and they get all the dropped, spilled, and otherwise left behind food.  I was kind of worried that our dogs would be neglected when we brought Leila home, but everyone is really getting plenty of attention.  The dogs now have one more person to get attention from.

BTW, a big huge thanks to my mom for coming over and making a family favorite, spoon-burgers, for us.  She made a huge batch of these neat sandwich thins that are wrapped in foil and frozen for future meals.  Again Leila fits in with us because she loved the spoon-burgers.  In fact here we are a week later and they are already all gone!

We discovered that Stone Mountain is an awesome place to have fun family time.  We hiked up the mountain twice last week.  Mike carried Leila the first time with me carrying the supplies.  Then it was my turn on the 2nd trip.  The Ergo carrier is so comfortable its a lot like carrying a camping back pack, so really not too bad.

Leila got to see her first deer on our first hike up.

On the way down Leila likes to fall asleep in the carrier.  It has a neat flap that you can put up over her head to keep her head from flopping around as Mike hikes.

Isn't she cute sleeping in there!!

Leila loves her room and toys too.  This was a hand-me-down tent from my nieces Nora Beth and Masha.  Leila has to get in here ever day.

Leila is also the banana queen.  We have bought 4 bunches since we've been home and there is only one banana left in the kitchen.  Mike likes to put the banana stickers on her nose saying that "its her job to amuse us."

We have enjoyed lots of family since Leila has been home.  My parents, sisters, brother, and all their families came last saturday to celebrate a belated birthday for Leila, who turned 2 on March 22nd.  It was really fun to have everyone around.  I was so busy working the birthday stuff I never took any photos.  Hopefully I can get some posted soon.  

Leila was thrilled to get all the presents and cards.  You guys are the best!!  Uncle Earl even brought easter baskets for all the nieces (Leila, Nora Beth, and Masha).  Earl is so animated he had Leila giggling harder than I ever saw her giggle before.  She literally was rolling on the floor.

Mike's brother and sister-in-law, Joe (Uncle Joe, aka 'the muffin man' and Shann (aka Auntie Muffin) came for a short visit on Friday.  Great to see them too.  They brought an awesome gift (love the faeries!) and a cute easter present too.  Shann is the official bubble master!

Yesterday Mike and I went for the first time to an awesome area playground.  Leila had the best time playing on the playground equipment.  There were lots of kids that let her use their equipment to play in the huge sand box.

Today I am calling the best day ever.  Leila finally slept for a full 12 hours last night, and she was such a happy girl all day.  We went on an outing to my work to sign up for insurance and add her.  She had fun charming all of my down-town coworkers.  Then this evening I got my first kiss.  I have been asking for one for a long time and she has refused every request.  Tonight out of the blue she just puckered up came over and waited for me to lean down to kiss her.  She continued to give me and Mike several kisses after that.  

Oh and tonight she and Buster connected as never before, sharing a cup of milk.  I guess I'm too new a parent to worry about germs.  Dog cooties aren't all bad, right?

One last funny thing to wrap up with.  Mike and I have been having a terrible time putting Leila to sleep at night.  Jet lag has been terrible!  She has been crying and crying for hours at bed time.  The last couple of days we may have hit upon the secret code to putting her down.  On her insistence, we dress her up in her Tigger outfit.  I forget who gave us that, I think Dan and Holly, but whoever it was a thousand thank you's.  She loves that thing.  Anyway, we dress her up in that, put her in her stroller, and stroll her around the neighborhood for about 10 minutes.  Boom, out like a light.  Then we carefully carry her up to the bedroom.  Turn out all the lights, and wowee - its been working, so lets hope it keeps up.  I'll have to take a photo of Leila in her Tigger outfit for the next post.

Kelly

Back Among the Living

Not sure what happened, but I became terribly sick after arriving in Guangzhou several days ago.  I was feeling somewhat better for about a day, then much worse.  I wound up going to the clinic here at the White Swan Hotel.  The doctor there gave me some prescription antibiotics, and other medication.  I either had a bad case of bronchitis or pneumonia along with a low-grade fever. 

While I was lying in bed, Mike was once again my hero.  He went out and bought Leila her red couch photo outfit.  Everyone who stays at the White Swan Hotel has to have their photo taken at this red couch they have in the lobby of the 2nd floor.  We put all the kids from our group together for a photo.  Getting 1-5 year olds together on a couch for a photo was quite an adventure as you can see from the top photo.  Leila is the big girl in the front row.  It was late afternoon, and she was feeling a bit fussy.  We didn't get a smile, but at least she didn't cry.

 
Here's a nice photo of two daddys, Mike and Jason, holding their new little girls, Leila and Julia.  Aren't they adorable!

Leila's Chinese outfit looked so precious on her.  I wished I had been feeling good enough to enjoy how cute she looked.  Baba was so proud!

The following day I stayed in bed while Mike brought Leila to her mandatory health check-up at the Guangzhou doctor's office.  

Here's a group shot of everyone in front of the hotel waterfall.  I don't know how our CCAI facilitators were able to handle all of us.  We were quite a large group!

The night after the doctor's office Mike took Leila out for dinner.  She loves to play peek-a-boo...

Here's "baby boo dow" taking a snooze on the way in to the US Visa department to take our oath.  This was the last bit we needed to do before we received Leila's passport and visa to be able to bring her home.  We had to swear everything given to the US government was true.  No biggie there.  So, you may be asking now what I mean when I call her "baby boo dow"?  Well, she speaks a lot of Mandarin.  In Mandarin "bu you" (pronounced boo yow) means "don't want", and Leila says this all the time.  Mostly when she is upset, but sometimes when she is happy too.  She just doesn't seem to want very much.  Well, maybe she want's another hunk of sugar right before bed time so she will scream herself to sleep, like she did last night. (shutter...)

A happy family of three after completing our final adoption step.  Leila is not only ours in China, but also in the US now!  She will be a citizen the first moment our air plane lands on US soil - YEAH!!

This morning she was a bit fussy, and wanted to run around without her pants in the hotel room.  Another "boo dow" moment!

This morning after breakfast we walked to a nearby park where she teetered with a little boy.  They had a really good time.

Some women were doing tai chi in the park as well.  It was already getting hot outside at 8:00 am, so the ladies were getting a good work out.

Then at 10:30 we met up with Ann from Red Thread.  Our friends Kim and Michael hired her to take us shopping for a couple of hours.  She is known for getting great deals on lots of China specialty stuff.  We took a taxi to the Pearl Market first and bought a load of pearls.  Then went to the jade market and bought some neat wooden boxes.  Then off to a market where we bought some silk clothes.  All pretty good quality and for very good prices.  Ann is so fast we bought everything we needed and wanted and then some in less than 3 hours.  For our clothes we bought a dress for me, a shirt for Mike, bathrobes for both of us, and 6 outfits for Leila to fit her as she grows up.  All for under $50.  Can't beat that!  Thanks again so much Michael and Kim!!

This is what it looked like following Ann.  We were almost running to keep up with this fabulous woman.  She certainly did not waste any of our time.

After we got back to the hotel, we walked over to Lucy's for lunch, then to a nearby park to let Leila run around a bit.

She thought these stepping stones were separated with a ditch the size of the Grand Canyon which she had to traverse carefully.  It was funny to watch how meticulously she handled each one.
There are a bunch of life size statues around the park, and Leila had fun exploring them.

Well, goodnight and good bye from Guangzhou.  Next time we write will be from home.  We can't wait to rest up from our trip and let all our friends and family meet our newest edition.

Kelly and Mike