Mike and I have been attending monthly meetings relating to adoption since we've been home. Initially when we were still on leave from work we were able to get out to the Adoption Option group meetings, which were awesome, and packed with good people to get and exchange advice. Now that we are back at work, we've found a closer group called Hand in Hand. I also really like the Hand in Hand meetings especially because they are run by an adult adoptee, who is also an adoptive parent. Its nice to get a well rounded view of adoption from many points of view.
Last months meeting focused on domestic adult adoptees, and we watched a film about a middle-aged man who lived in a State where they are finally allowing adoptees to look at their previously sealed files and find out for the first time who their birth mother/family is. It turned out his mother had passed away a few years prior, but he managed to locate a friend of hers who acquired the dog that his mother had when she passed. Apparently she was not married, and had no other kids. He was able to meet her dog and referred to him as "last living relative". I'm sure he loves his adoptive family, but can understand how powerful it can be to look like someone, to share traits to finally understand why you do certain things a certain way relating to biology. In looking at how my Dad and younger sister are with their genealogy research, it really strikes a cord to know Leila doesn't have that part of her. The part that makes her feel connected to history, to this world.
I wish for all the adoptees out there who are interested and wanting to know their biological connection to the world that all the remaining states in the US will finally allow those sealed records to be OPENED. Open adoption today is becoming more and more popular, and this is a wonderful thing for the kids who will be able to grow up always knowing their biological origins.
So now what happens to the international adoptees? Well in China, the Chinese government does not allow adoption of any child with known parents. All internationally adopted children from China were abandoned by their parents due to a number of reasons, and since it is a crime to abandon your child they face a severe punishment if they ever come forward as having done that. Still, there is some small hope. There are DNA registries for these kids, where you can put your child's DNA code on file, and if the biological parents ever do come forward, there may be a match. Also, if there are two different children from the same biological parents, it may be possible to match up biological siblings through the DNA system.
In considering Leila's future need to feel some connection to China, which I think most if not all kids adopted from China will feel, we have been trying to find out who her foster mother was. When we were in China the orphanage officials told us that they were worried that the foster families asking us for money, so they would not give us any information on the foster families. Love Without Boundaries, an awesome organization, unfortunately seems to be obligated to uphold the orphanage's wishes to not share this information. Can't blame them really though. They do help a ton of kids out of that orphanage which may otherwise go without. Now, however, I am stuck with the question of how to get this information for Leila. I can't help but think that now is the time to get all I can for her. The trail of Leila's past in China grows colder by the day, and the day will come when she will have no one to ask about herself, and no one that remembers her there. I hope that I can somehow get the foster mom info before that day comes.
Kelly
